Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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