Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You just made me feel so damn special
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
