better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
