it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
