He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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