Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
