Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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