i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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