i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize