I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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