I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
