Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I just went to clothing optional bar
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
