i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
