i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
