Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize