I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
