I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
