I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize