yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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