No subtext here. People are naked.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
