he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
