I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize