Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
