Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
