i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
