There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
