I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
