NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
