I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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