Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize