dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
