I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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