So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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