smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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