it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
