two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
