You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize