i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
