This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
