I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
