a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
How's work?
Spinning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
