Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
