She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
