You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
