so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
