He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
