so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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