Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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