Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
