I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
