so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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