i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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