I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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