Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize