I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
