If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
