I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
