non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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