Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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