my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
