covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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