to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
