Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
