Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
