it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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