i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
