Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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