I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The power of my boobs compel you
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
