Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
