if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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