She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
