I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
being pregnant is like rehab
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
