Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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