Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Randomize
