On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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