i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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