am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
