I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
