i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
