3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
