So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
