i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
