when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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