This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
