grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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