i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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