I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
