I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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