I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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