is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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