OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
