He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
