No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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