I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
