if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
