I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
