Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
