you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
