dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
