I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize