My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
