You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
