bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
