Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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