i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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