omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize