Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
