How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
