I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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