I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
