i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
