the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
