Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
